It Is You I Have Loved All Along
by societysnerd
Summary: Maura and Jane get together about 6 months after Ian leaves but he returns and runs riot in their lives and Maura's heart. Will she choose him? Or will she realise the one she's loved all along has been right there in front of her?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles does not belong to me.**

**I know I owe you all a chapter for my very first fic (and I apologise for the wait, something will be coming soon) but this was one storyline I couldn't get out of my head and I've been fiddling around with the plot in mind all day. It's just going to be a short one, no more than 2, maybe 3 chapters, ****based on my view point on what would happen if Jane and Maura were a couple and Ian came back into their lives. Will Maura choose Jane? Or will she go with Ian? Is there even a choice to be made...?**

**As usual, all reviews are welcome. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

The blonde stood at her kitchen island waiting for the water to boil as she thinks about how spectacularly her life has come crashing down around her. How it should be a long, gangly, brunette splayed out on her couch watching the Sox yelling at the players with that husky raspy voice that sends shivers down Maura's spine, eyes twinkling as the ME shook her head in faux despair as she'd explain for the thousandth time that it was a pointless charade first and foremost because of their inability to hear her and secondly, for it to ultimately have any impact on the game itself. Instead, it was a dashing Australian who'd come swooping back into her life only weeks ago with declarations that he'd show her how much she meant to him, how their relationship was not only based on sex alone. It was he who was sprawled on her couch, remote in hand, quietly watching WHDC and for the first time it occurred to her how she hadn't had to fight over the channel she wanted to watch, hadn't had to see the rolling off chocolate orbs as the other woman reluctantly gave in simply because if Maura was happy then she was too as they snuggled down on the couch, Jane below, Maura wrapped round her, head over her Detective's steadily beating heart. She missed it; missed it all.

She clenched her fists, tears appearing unbidden in her eyes, blurring her vision. Even if she wanted, she couldn't lie about her hand in all of this, couldn't say it wasn't her fault for what had happened and even if asked, she wouldn't deflect.

She watches as it starts bubbling, her mind going to that fateful night...

She'd come home to a house which relied only on candlelight that night. Two places set with a single rose on the table, the chef standing over bubbling pots and her heart had melted despite it not being scientifically possible in the least.

Hearing the Doctor, her love had taken her hand kissing the top of it, her gaze never leaving hers as she led her over to the table and like a true gentlewoman, pulled the chair out for her. They'd caught up on the day they'd had neither having seen the other the whole day due to Jane chasing up leads and Maura being elbows deep in a new body that had been brought in, laughed uproariously as Jane told her stories of her childhood and how Angela had chased her round the kitchen with a dishcloth when she'd caught her furiously stuffing cookies into her pocket to sneak upstairs for her and her brothers and how the chocolate had melted from her brief 'run' round the house, sticking her pocket together and then had come the knock, and Maura had answered, insisting that the brunette should stay seated after all the effort she'd put in for tonight. And she'd opened the door to find Ian standing on the other side and he'd abruptly swept off her feet and given her a bone-crushing hug and before her brain even registered it, he kissed her. And despite the confusion and the fact that her girlfriend stood only a few feet away waiting for whoever it was to go away, she was kissing him back. And when it suddenly occurred to her what she was doing, she'd pulled away, out from his arms.

But it had been too late.

Because Jane stood there, a myriad of emotions flashing across her features as she took in the sight of her girlfriend kissing the man she'd once referred to as being the love of her life and Maura knew she was the one responsible for it. For the hurt, confusion, pain, humiliation, despair and she'd stepped out of Ian's arms, attempting to go to her, knowing it would be futile. Because she'd damaged them.

For 18 months, they'd had it good. She'd never felt so loved, so safe, so much love in return for another. But there was no going back. And Ian just stood there, completely oblivious to the turmoil they'd just created, of the hole Maura had truly dug herself deep into, and grinned, nodding a hello at Jane while twisting the knife in further by the words, 'I hope I haven't interrupted anything'. _Oh god, if only he'd known._ And with his words, Jane seemed to snap back inside herself, recoiling from the arm Maura had reached out, if only to steady her own nerves and the argument she'd guessed was coming, except there'd be no argument from her. It was her fault after all. She would not deny responsibility. But Jane had shocked her once again, citing that she had paperwork that was still due and perhaps now, at 9.45pm at night, it would be a good idea to get on it and she'd disappeared. Swiftly, and abruptly, and before Maura had even had time to process. And then she found herself going after her but not before ensuring that Ian had a place to stay, as was proper etiquette. He did. But it wasn't at her house. She'd checked the BPD, knocked incessantly on Jane's apartment door before one of her neighbors had threatened to call the police, she went to all their haunts; the rink, Fenway, the Common, Boston harbour. She went to them all but there was no Jane. And finally, after 1am, she'd headed home where she'd gone to bed that night crying herself to sleep as she thought about how she'd royally fucked everything up that night. She went back to work the next day, intent on resolving the whole fiasco with Jane but knowing at the same time how she should give the Detective space. She'd held out until lunchtime, her whirring thoughts and growing unease making her anxious and unable to concentrate. She'd gone up to the bullpen only to find Jane only to have Korsak tell her that the Detective hadn't been in today and Frost look at her with sympathetic eyes. She'd gone up every day after that and still there was no sign of the Detective. She did it for five days before Korsak told her she'd taken indefinite leave and Maura's heart had dropped.

She'd returned two days later. Laying eyes on her for the first time in days, the ME could see the darkening round the periorbital edema, the gauntness in the Detective's cheekbones, the slouch in her shoulders, the heaviness in her step. She'd tried approaching the Detective in the first few days but she always seemed to disappear as soon as she appeared, other more 'interesting' things taking her away. It had been the silent plea in her eyes, the desperation in the ME's words with that one simple word: Jane. And she'd finally stopped. But she didn't turn around. The low, raspy 'what do you want', shook the ME to her core. And that was where she'd drawn a blank.

She didn't know.

All she had known was that she needed to time. To process. It was a lot to ask for she knew. Especially considering her part in the matter.

But Jane had given it.

She'd studiously avoided the morgue sending Frost or Korsak in her wake for the past two weeks. And now two weeks later, she still didn't have an answer. All she knew is that she wanted to see Jane, wanted just a glance of her, however fleeting it may be. She hungered for it, yearned for it.

Sunday dinner had been moved to the guest house but in all the movement she'd seen, she hadn't seen the Detective. The woman had remained surprisingly inconspicuous. The only people going to and from the guest house was Angela herself, Tommy and Frankie. But no sign of Jane. She'd taken every Sunday off since the split just to get a sighting but it had been a fruitless effort.

She never came.

The lever on the kettle clicked, indicating it had boiled. Her mind on automatic, she prepared the tea, making a cup for herself and one for Ian. Handing it to him, he accepted it with a grateful smile. She sat, the distance between them all to clear but he didn't seem to notice. In fact, he hadn't noticed anything about her behaviour or lack thereof at all. Her attention drifted to the tv, her mind tuning out the Australian's voice as the words, 'BREAKING NEWS' popped across the screen. Her eyes take in the 10 car pile up on the highway and the ensuing jam behind it before her breath catches as the cameraman in the helicopter capturing the scene below focuses on one of the cars so familiar to her despite it being beyond recognition: a blue BPD-issued Lincoln. She sees it squished between two cars, much like an accordion, the creases and crinkles obvious in its bodywork. Its hood which had been sawed off by the emergency personnel on hand lay crumpled on the road, a tank covered the other half of what was left of the car. She glanced at her phone willing it to ring. Ian calling her name snapped her out of her reverie.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

He smiles gently at her, chuckling. "I was just saying now that my name has been cleared, I'm a free man." He scoots closer to her, grasping her hand in his but her attention is still focused on the tv. Placing a hand on her cheek, he guides her to face him. He doesn't notice the concern on her face, the tension in her spine, the way her gaze flits between the tv and her phone.

Once again, he doesn't notice her at all.

Instead, he continues, "now that we've been dating, I hope I've been able to convey how I feel about you and how committed I am to us. " He saying all the right things that she'd wanted to hear years ago, back when they were in Africa but his words have no impact on her now. And it hits her as she's sitting there how it's been Jane all along. How even subconsciously she had chosen Jane when Ian left Boston a couple of years ago citing his own reasons for going back and how Maura should come with him and later how she'd refused. Because what it came down to is that she can't imagine life without Jane in it. And that stark reality of what she'd be leaving behind when he'd asked her to go with had struck her with a fierceness she'd never felt before and it had terrified her. Because what she wants is Jane. The_ person_ she wants is Jane. She's wanted her ever since she laid eyes on her, and she finds herself breaking away from his grasp, his gaze turning to one of confusion as she pulls away from him.

"Maura?"

She folds her hands in her lap trying valiantly to ease the tremble in her hands that has come the epiphany she's just had. "I'm sorry, Ian. But I just don't feel that way about you. Not anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."

"Maura? What do you mean? You and I. We love each other."

"We loved the rush of endorphins that came from our sexual encounters," she explains, the scientist within her coming out, "but we never loved each other. Or at least, I never loved you. Not in the way a person deserves to be loved. Before you came back, I had that. I had that one person who was willing to give up everything for me," her minds eye going to the conversation they'd had after Jane had shot herself, how Jane had said she'd give up the job for her if that was what Maura wanted, "who loved me for me, who loved me unconditionally and provided me with safety and security, who melted away all that doubts I had about myself, who thinks the facts I spout off are adorable, who shared her family with me, whose eyes would immediately seek me out in any situation, whose grin would be directed at me." Ian sat there, mouth open, surprise and confusion evident in his face. "And I lost it," she said, getting up, grabbing her medical bag, checking the supplies that were held within, "with one stupid kiss! All because I was caught up in the moment, in the momentary fleet of feelings that came rushing back." She looked up at him.

"I don't love you, Ian. I never did. And now if you'll excuse me, I going to find the person I have loved all along, and beg her forgiveness and gain her trust back and her love, and hope against hope, that it isn't too late. For us. You can see yourself out," she said going to the door and opening it. "Oh, and Ian? Don't ever come here again." The slam of the heavy wood shook the foundation, putting a close to whatever it was they had had with resounding finality.

* * *

She drove. She drove like a maniac, breaking, for the first time, all the speed laws and traffic regulations. She didn't care. She had a love to profess. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops. She only wished she had a siren; it would have let her get there quicker.

* * *

"Korsak!"

The older man looked surprised. "Doctor Isles. What are you doing here?"

"I saw the news. Why didn't anyone call me? Where is she?" He scratched his neck uncomfortably. He knew what had happened between them. She knew, he knew. For years he had been Jane's partner. It was obvious she would go to him.

Barry jogged over to Korsak, not noticing Maura standing by his side. "That's it. They're all out. All casualties have been taken en route to either Mass Gen or Beth Israel..." he trails off, suddenly realising they were not alone. His eyes turn frosty as does his tone. "What are you doing here?" There's no kindness this time, no sympathy.

Maura narrows her own eyes. Her prerogative right now was to find Jane, not argue about her personal matters. "I'm here for Jane."

"Why?" he asks, "so that you can cause more destruction, break her more than she already has been? he retorts.

"Of course not! I'm here because I saw what happened on the news! _Nobody_ called me! I had to learn about it from a _third party_, see her car in the wreckage..." Korsak takes her by the arm dragging her away from Jane's partner but not before giving the man a pointed warning. Viciously, she yanked her appendage out from the older man's grasp.

Standing to one side, he asks again, "why are you here, Maura?"

Tears fill her eyes as she looks everywhere but at him. "I'm here because I care, because regardless of whatever has happened between us, she's still my friend...and the love of my life...if she'll have me..." The last admission is but a whisper.

He ran a hand over his week old unshaven beard, sighing in the process. His eyes looked everywhere but at hers. "She's gone." Her breath hitches for the second time that day as her hand flies to her mouth.

_God no. She lost her chance..._

Realising he hadn't made himself clear, he goes to speak, "No, I don't mean..that...oh god. No. All I meant is that she's gone...from here," he indicates to the wreckage that surrounds them. "Signed herself out AMA."

The tears she's been holding back let loose as relief engulfs her. "She's ok?"

Korsak shrugged. God only knew with Jane. The woman just kept taking impact after impact before bouncing back as if nothing happened. "A few bruises, minor cuts, two broken ribs. She's fine. Said she was going back to her apartment." Maura turns to leave the scene with only one purpose in mind before she's once again brought to a halt.

"Good luck," he says. She gives him a small smile, joyous in the knowledge that there's at least one person routing for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles and its wonderful characters do not belong to me.**

**Just a quick note to say I've read all your wonderful reviews, positive and not so positive and I must say I understand the feelings of indignation dredged up by what Maura has done. I must also say that I too cannot stand Ian. But then that's based on personal opinion and the fact that it's always going to be Rizzoli and Isles for me rather than Isles and Faulker. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.**

**Thank you SkyGem88 for your encouragement. I can assure you, I have not let it deter me.**

**To BYW - in answer to your question as to why Frost and Korsak were both at the scene of the accident, it's simply because Jane was there and they got a call that her car was involved and what with being partners and everything, they had to make sure she was ok but I probably should have made that clearer. Sorry about that. I loved you review despite the miscommunication on my part.**

**As for the rest - Raging Falcon, RavenSkyAngel, Palestra etc - I shall leave you with the rather cryptic message that all will eventually become clear. I'm certainly not evil enough to make Maura that heartless. (and I shall just leave it at that because you will find out what really happens in that month below).**

**I'm afraid I'm not a person of many words but I do thank you all for your support and for reading and following the story.**

**Now, on to chapter 2!**

* * *

Chapter 2

Jane walked through the door of her apartment, wincing as she tossed her keys onto the kitchen counter. She felt like she'd been hit by a 2000 pound tonne truck.

_Oh wait, one did_.

She snickered to herself at her own joke. Her ribs burned with every step she took, every movement she made, her whole body ached and she was starting to feel a headache coming on. God, I need a beer, she thought. Sucking in a breath, she bent down quickly to grab one, gasping at the throb in her side as she let it out. Quickly and swiftly, she popped the cap off taking a quick swig as she felt the liquid course through her system, its purpose not only for the physical pain she felt but also the emotional she'd shut off from her mind.

She turned to see Jo Friday sitting in the hallway between the kitchen and the apartment door, her head cocked questioningly. Momentarily forgetting about her own pain, she stooped to pick up the small dog who whimpered slightly before casting a beseeching gaze to the door. Jane sighed. _Was there anything Maura didn't have a lasting effect on? Traitor, she thought, you're supposed to be on my side. Instead she's got you wrapped round her little finger too._

"She ain't comin' girl." Hearing the words, Jo Friday thought it was the right time to turn her puppy dog eyes on her owner as if pleading for her to fix it, whatever 'it' was.

"Hell, no. You want to see her, you're on your own," she said, unceremoniously dropping the dog. There were only so many beatings a person could take before their will power to stay afloat of it all gave in. The accident was just the cherry on the top. Perhaps her mother was right. Perhaps she should be doing something safer, something which guaranteed her a longer life span, that it, if her Ma would stop winding her up so royally. She 'plopped' down as much as a person with two broken ribs and a bruised body could letting out a sigh of relief as she sank deeper into the years old couch.

Peace and quiet.

Not for long though. Of that much, she was certain. She'd give her mother 1, maybe 2 hours tops before she found out and would come over screeching and fussing, two things Jane hated most, though she had to give credit where credit was due as according to Frankie, her mother had made it her business to be present every time Ian had come round, pottering round the kitchen like she owned the place, making tea for the three of them whilst explaining the benefits of that panda poop gunk which had apparently made the Australian turn slightly green before plopping a plate of green goop in front of the man. Even Tommy had decided to join in the fun by self-inviting himself on every plan the man had tried to make with the ME which admittedly hadn't been very many. She could count on one hand or more specifically, two fingers number of times the two had 'gone out' together with Tommy reporting that the blonde looked decidedly relieved about his presence there. As he'd recanted his tales to his sister, with slight exaggeration she was sure, especially the one where he'd accidentally tripped and flicked his ice-cream cone down the man's shirt, she couldn't help noticing how Tommy wasn't that much different from the boy she'd grown up with. Nor could she fail to draw the comparison between her brother and those chaperones women used to have to take with them whenever they went out with a man so that it would preserve their 'innocence' and ensure that nothing untoward would happen between them and their suitor. She chuckled once again.

_Oh, when the Rizzoli's caused trouble, they really did cause trouble_.

And yet, she couldn't help but feel thankful for the closeness of her family and the way they were always there for one another; they had each others' backs. They'd been there for her when it had mattered and her split with the small blonde had showed her as much.

_God, Maura..._

She closed her eyes, one arm slung over as she tried to block out the pain that came every time she thought of the ME and that fucking Ian locking lips but the image came unbidden every time. The way she'd felt her world closing in on her, the sinking realisation she'd had when it occurred to her that she'd never really had her at all, that she'd just been bidding her time till something better came along. She'd always thought it had been too good to be true, always wondered what the ME saw in her. Now..she knew. The ME was like caviar to her crackers; too good for her. And then seeing them together...the other shoe had dropped and she'd realised she'd never stood a chance. Not really.

Her Ma had thrown a fit when she'd found out and she'd had to all but restrain her from going over there and confronting the woman.

The sound of footsteps hovering outside her door brought the Detective out of her daydream. She listened closely for further noise, drawing the conclusion that it wasn't her mother since she'd just have barged her way in like she usually did. But then the footsteps didn't move away. They remained outside. And it was starting to freak the brunette slightly. She got up carefully, picking up her gun before making her way over to the door. She heard a knock; once, then twice. Then came the jangling of keys as one of them slid into the lock.

_The element of surprise_, Jane thought. That was the best way to take em'. Cautiously, she put her hand on the doorknob and just as it turned, she flung it open, gun up, finger on the trigger. The person on the other side only saw a gun pointing at them as both their arms went up in surrender. Jane would have chuckled taking in the Doctor's stance if she hadn't been so tense.

"Christ, Maur. Really?!" She lowered her arm glowering at the ME.

"I'm sorry! But I knocked. I swear I did. Twice! And when you didn't answer, I became worried so I used my key and..." she trailed off noting her ramble and how the brunette's scowl was in full force. "I...I came to see if you were ok," she murmured meekly taking into account the Detective's rather shambled appearance.

"Well, now that you've seen me, you can go away again," she harrumphed. She made a move as if to shut the door in the ME's face but Maura was quicker, putting a hand out to block it.

"Please," she said. "I'd like to talk. I've some things I'd like to say and you to hear."

Jane crossed her arms. "I'd have thought your silence has said enough." Maura winced at the comeback but she was determined to make her wrongs right. Somehow. She took in the caked blood at the side of Jane's forehead, the way she held her arm cautiously over her ribs as if she were protecting them, as well as her heart.

"Has anyone had a look at that?" she asked, indicating to the wound on her head. The question was enough to throw Jane for the loop and for the ME to slip in past her, medical bag in hand. Jane just stood there stupefied at the woman's audacity to just waltz in uninvited.

"Well, just come on in why don't you," she muttered. She stalked over to the fridge to grab another beer given that her first one had gone warm and lost its buzz. Maura opened her bag bringing out a needle and thread, some cotton buds, antiseptic and an ace bandage. She nodded for the Detective to sit which she did, albeit somewhat reluctantly before setting to work on the injuries in question. The Detective just sat there in stony silence scowling all the way. Once she was finished, she put everything away. She couldn't put it off any longer.

"You shouldn't be drinking that," she indicated, nodding to the bottle in Jane's hand. _Or maybe she could._

"Yeah, well, there's a lot of things people shouldn't do but do so anyway," she rasped.

Maura visibly swallowed at the comeback. _She deserved that_.

"What do you want, Maura?"

"You," came the whispered admission.

"And what if it's too late for that?"

She didn't want to think about that; didn't want to even contemplate that scenario because to do so made her heart ache. It made her feel like she was being ripped to shreds. "I made a mistake, Jane. A huge, huge mistake and I know you don't trust me right now - "

"Did you sleep with him?"

"What?"

"I asked..if you slept with him," the brunette ground out.

"No! Of course not!"

"Why not? Was it because my family were hovering around so you two didn't get an opportune moment? Or was it -"

"I didn't sleep with him because I didn't want to!" Now it was Jane's turn to be surprised.

"What?"

"I didn't want to! "

"Yeah?! Well you have a damn funny way of showing it after you practically threw yourself at him!"

"I didn't throw myself at him!" she shouted back, "That night, I was having the most gorgeous time of my life with my girlfriend when the doorbell rang and I answered it and when I did, he just swept me off my feet before I even had time to react! And before I knew it, he was kissing me..."

"And before _I_ knew it, you were kissing him back!" She slammed the bottle on the counter so hard the glass broke spilling what was left of the liquid on the top of the counter before it ran down the side and on to the floor. The Detective was breathing heavily, her temper and emotions having gotten the best of her. She'd never been a violent person, not even after Hoyt but something about the dashing Australian whom Maura had once declared as being the love of her life got to her. It got underneath her skin and seeped within her pores, poisoning everything.

For her part, Maura couldn't recall a time when she'd seen the Detective so angry, so outraged. That had been her doing. There was no one to blame but herself.

_If I could just get her to listen..._

"Jane, please." She reached out a hand to the brunette who pulled back as if she'd just been burned. "Just hear me out. Please. Five minutes of your time, that's all I'm asking..."

"You didn't exactly spare five minutes to think about me did you? To think about me. To remember that you were going out with _me_. So tell me, Maura, why I should spare five minutes for _you,_" she sneered.

"Because I don't love him...I love you..." The silent plea in Maura's words gave the Detective pause. She could literally hear her mother's voice next to her saying if she didn't forgive, she'd never be able to move on. And if neither of them were able to, what was left of their relationship, working anyway, would eventually crumble, meaning one of them would end up leaving, move away, and for the life of her, she couldn't contemplate never seeing Maura again. It would simply hurt too much.

"You've got two," she said, before turning and stalking into the kitchen to grab a fresh beer, leaving the ME standing there stunned. Two minutes wasn't nearly enough time for her to say everything she needed to say. How on earth was she supposed to convey her feelings and thoughts in that amount of time? she thought beginning to panic.

"One minute 50 seconds," the Detective called out, "and if you stand there any longer, you'll only end up with less." The words seemed to snap her out of her reverie and she felt herself moving towards the Detective. She took in her defensive posture, the fact that she stood at the other end of the counter, arms crossed, right leg over leg, eyes showing no emotion whatsoever. Her body language screamed for Maura to stay away and so she did, taking up post at the other end. She had no idea where to start but she figured anywhere would be good right now considering the amount of time she had. She decided to start with what she hoped would make the Detective less defensive, less angry. She took a deep breath eyes cast downwards.

"I didn't sleep with him. Nor has he stayed over. Ever. And since that night, I haven't kissed him either." She looked up. "You have to believe me on that."

Jane snorted. "I don't have to believe anything that comes out of your mouth," she retorted defiantly.

"No. No, you don't. But you know I can't lie. And I wouldn't. Not to you." The Detective refused to make eye contact with her.

"Anything else?"

_I don't want to hear this. I can't. Please leave._

_Yes. _

Gathering what was left of her courage, she went on_. "_You're right. I did kiss him. But not for the reasons you think. Rather, it was for all the wrong ones. I know you don't want to hear this but I want you to know that I didn't kiss him because I was still in love with him. I just saw him and all the past feelings, the ones I never realised I hadn't let go of just came flooding out. I got caught up in the past...when my future was standing right behind me..._" _

She stepped closer to the Detective.

"But that's all they were. Past feelings. I think subconsciously, I knew that. I just wasn't willing to let go. Ian is.._was_ familiar. What we had back in Africa and every other time he's come round was just sex and I wasn't ready to admit that because well..I guess it was because all my notions about what love really was would be proved to be wrong and for them to be wrong...and I know I'm probably not making sense right now but..." she started wringing her hands anxiously, "I'm never wrong! And for me to be wrong would lead me to question what we have," she said gesturing between the two of them. She searched the depths of Jane's eyes to see if she was making sense, to see if she understood what she was saying but they gave away nothing. They were just...blank. Emotionless. "But that's all they were. Past feelings."

She took another step towards her.

"I realised I'd never really made my peace with how he left the last time, that I'd never really let go. Till now. Till this visit. But at the same time, I want to say you were never just filling a void till he came back. You weren't simply there to make up for whatever lack of affection I ever received, the lack of love I had when I was growing up. I truly do love you. Differently. More intensely. But it is love. And I've spent the past few weeks examining and re-examining my feelings and all these jumbled thoughts I've had swirling around in my head, and the one thing they've always landed on without fail was...you." She was halfway cross the kitchen now. "My past, my present, my future. It's all been filled with you. And it scares me. That the one person I love so much and who used to to love me so much in return, could no longer be a part of it. And you wouldn't believe how grateful I am to your family - Angela, Tommy, Frankie, even Frost and Korsak - for butting in whenever he came round or tried to take me out because it meant I was never alone with him and I could never treat it as a date even though that was what he was doing. It was simply, three people getting to know each other. As if they were acquaintances. "

She'd made it three-quarters of the way across the room.

"I love you, Jane," came the tortured whisper. "And I'll do anything you want if at the end of it all, you can forgive me. For how badly I've betrayed you, lost your trust, and your love."

_But I still love you._

"I'm not asking for us to get back together. I would however like for us to try and be friends again. Somehow. Somewhere along the line." She studied the Detective wondering whether her words had somehow penetrated through a piece of the Detective's armor. "Because even if I lost you as a partner," she gulped at the thought, fear coiling deep within, "as a lover, you are the only friend I have and I don't want to lose that. Of course, if you decide otherwise, then I'll respect your decision but I hope...I hope it won't come to that?" Jane was looking down at the floor. "Jane?" No response. Maura sighed to herself. Her head hung in defeat, her arms by her side. Tears filled her eyes.

_Perhaps this was it for them._

She walked back to where her medical bag and purse had been set aside. "I'll leave you alone now. I know what I've said is a lot to take in so I'll just leave you to it," she said picking up her things. She walked over to the door turning once more to see if the Detective would send some sort of acknowledgement that she'd heard her, understood her plea, tell her she wouldn't give up on them but she was met by silence. Hand on the doorknob, she opened it. Just as she was about to close it behind her, she heard it.

"Hey, Maur?" She turned slightly in anticipation, the Detective's eyes finally locking with hers.

"Yes?"

"I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"Ok." And as she turned to leave and shut the door behind her, she couldn't help that small flicker of hope.

_Perhaps everything would be alright._

* * *

**Ok that's it for the second chapter! It took me almost 3 hours to write, I kept cancelling and slotting in things so many times I lost count but it's here. :)**

**I've technically written a third chapter, an epilogue of sorts. But I'm not sure whether to upload it or not. I don't know. What say you, rizzle shippers?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: As always, Rizzoli and Isles and their lovely characters don't belong to me.**

**Ok, I was just teasing. Of course I'd give you all the next chapter! (being unable to stand the suspense myself). Anyway, without further ado, here's the next installment. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Chapter 3

_There comes a time in everybody's life when they have to make a decision. Some are harder than others, some are minor, some have very little impact on one's life, some remain with you forever. They can range from anything - from what cereal they should buy, beer or wine, should they kiss the girl or not, to the one Jane faced now, standing in the middle of Maura's office. Hearing the clack of Maura's heels, she turned to see her walking through, attention fully focused on the file in hand but upon feeling Jane's presence in the room, the ME gave her brilliant smile.._

_"Hey," she said, coming over to give Jane a peck on the cheek. She moved away to put the file on her desk so that she could focus her attention on the brunette._

_"Hey." She stuffed her hands in her pockets. Maura took in her hesitant stance, the rubbing of fingers on palms, and the smile on her face faltered slightly._

_"Jane?" She stepped closer, reaching for the Detective. "Jane, what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. Uhh...it's just - we need to talk."_

_The ME felt her heart beat faster. Those words were never positive in nature. They were the same ones people used before the deliverance of bad news but for the life of her, she had no idea why Jane was using them now._

_She'd thought things had been going well between them. She'd worked her ass off in an attempt to re-establish their friendship, gain back that trust. Two months later, she'd been successful. Jane had stopped flinching every time she tried to make physical contact, a simple touch, a hand on the arm, and then came the ultimate show; Jane allowed her to touch her hands once more. They'd started hanging out again but that too had caused the ME to make an extreme decision; she'd moved from her house in Beacon Hill. Simply because Jane refused to step anywhere near the vicinity of her home. _

_She'd come in. _

_Once. _

_With the intent of spending dinner and a movie and it had gone well enough. _

_At first. _

_They'd stood at the kitchen counter piling food on to plates and then the doorbell had rung and Maura had gone to answer it. It had been the UPS man delivering the latest order of shoes she'd put through. By the time she'd gone back to the kitchen, Jane was nowhere to be found. She'd checked the living, her bedroom, the guest room, even the bathrooms. _

_But Jane had gone. _

_Her heart had sunk at the realisation behind the brunette's sudden departure. She'd called of course. To check she was ok. But all her calls had gone straight through to voicemail. The next day, Maura squared her shoulders, intent on not confronting the brunette. Instead, she carried on as if nothing had happened the night before and no more was said about it. And for that, Jane had been grateful. Three days later, Maura made a decision._

_Move or risk losing Jane completely._

_Move..._

_...or else Jane will run._

_Because it was clear to the honey blonde that there was no way the brunette would ever not disappear or flinch every time the doorbell rang. So she did, telling Jane about her plans. She had been vague on the reason why. Something about how she wanted more garden space and seeing as how there were houses to either side of her, expansion was out the question, leaving moving as the only option. Technically, what she'd said had been true. She had had the intention of doing up her garden a bit, especially with summer only a couple of months away. Whether Jane saw through it or not, she didn't let on. _

_It ended up becoming a bit of a project between them - they went to look at houses together, all the while asking for her opinion on the structure, the number of rooms it should have, which one she liked etc. She asked for her opinion on colour schemes and fixtures, what room should be for what. She did it all so she could to ensure that Jane was comfortable both in her surroundings and around Maura. Of course, she'd done it with an ulterior motive in mind; she wanted Jane to move in, regard the home as hers not just as Maura's and hopefully one day raise a family in. _

_Because she knew. _

_Jane was it for her. _

_And once the move was complete, they'd gone back to the way it had been before with movies at Maura's, takeout, the game on Sunday, Rizzoli dinners and roughly one and a half months later, she stepped up to the plate putting aside her fears that her next move would bring them two steps back. _

_She kissed her. _

_And Jane had kissed her back. And they'd been together ever since. They'd moved slow of course; hand holding, touching, making out before finally taking it to the next level, going to the next point of intimacy. And it had been amazing. Or so she'd thought..._

_"Ummm...ok."_

_"Dinner. Tonight? 8pm?"_

_"Sure. Where should I meet you?"_

_"I'll see you at the house. Wear something..." she gestured in the air randomly trying to find the right words, "...casual...but formal...ish." Maura wrinkled her nose at the description._

_"Jane..."_

_Her hands started doing that flying thing again. "You know..." she said, "one of those dresses, you always look beautiful in." Maura's eyes softened at the compliment, a slight blush ran up to her cheeks. She would never get tired of this sweet side of Jane. She knew that for a fact. And she loved how it was a side of the Detective that was hers and only hers._

_"Aww...you really think so?" Jane just rolled her eyes in response. _

_Not wanting to give the ME a chance to question her further, she pressed a kiss to Maura's temple saying, "I'll see you later," she said disappearing out the door. _

* * *

That had been that afternoon.

Now, the two of them sat across from each other in a secluded spot in a quaint little Italian restaurant by the harbor. While the meal had been very good, the ME had noticed the Detective's anxious nature all evening, from the way she fidgeted with the napkin in her lap to the way her eyes darted round the restaurant taking everything in. Maura placed her hand on top of Jane's to still her drumming fingers effectively bringing her out of her reverie.

"Not that I haven't enjoyed this but I believe from the pointed looks they're sending our way, they too, would like to go home. Shall we go?"

The brunette nodded indicating for the check. Once paid, she got up and walked round to Maura's side, pulling the chair out as she got up. The ME linked her arm through Jane's grateful for the sudden gesture while at the same time craving the Detective's presence. They left the restaurant arm in arm, Maura making her way to the Detective's car before being abruptly pulled back as she realised that Jane stood rooted to the spot.

"Jane? Aren't we going home."

The Detective tugged on her arm slightly pulling her in the direction toward the boats. "Let's take a walk," she said.

Silently, the ME complied, happy to continue with their date. They walked along for a bit in silence, Maura taking comfort in their closeness for however long it was to last, Jane lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly, they stopped. She moved away from Maura going to stand over by the railing, forearms resting on top as she took in Boston's city lights and the boats docked before her. Maura simply looked on with uncertainty. She ignored the fluttering in her stomach, the little voice that spoke to her, warned her.

"Jane?" She stayed where she was not wanting to invade the Detective's space. "Jane, talk to me." The brunette remained where she was leaning on the railing quietly watching the boats bobbing up and down, her fists clenched tightly.

_She could not screw this up._

"Pop used to bring me here," she began. Maura tilted her head in confusion. She had no idea where this was going. "Every weekend, Pop brought me here.

Only me.

We'd sit by the harbor, ice-cream cones in hand and just sit. Watch the boats, people, go by. Everyone with their own life, doing their own thing." The ME came to stand beside her, taking up position by her side, her hand settling next to the Detective's. She silently stood by, letting whatever it was Jane needed to say be said.

"It was our place. Away from the world. And after he left, it became my place.

To sit.

Watch the world.

And one day...I hope. It'll be our place. And our children's place.

To sit.

Watch the world.

That is if you'll have me." She turned to look at the honey blonde, changing position as she did so, one knee on the pavement, head craned up, palm out.

Maura just stood there, shocked to the core. She'd been so sure that Jane had brought her here to break up with her that when she was hit with this most intimate gesture of love and commitment, she was left speechless, unable to move even. In that moment, time stood still for the ME; the stars and the moon collided; there was such a thing as God. She heard Jane's words, saw her move, watched her get down on one knee before holding out the most gorgeous ring she'd ever seen in her life in the hand it had been tightly encased in. Her hand shot up to her mouth as her love uttered her next words.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is...

...Maura Isles, will you marry me?"

* * *

**I'm awful, I know but halfway through writing this chapter, I decided to split it! So till then, I hope you've enjoyed this one.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: As always, Rizzoli and Isles and its wonderful characters do not belong to me.**

**The fourth and final installment for all you eager readers. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Chapter 4 - Perfection (Epilogue)

Maura stood on the porch in her backyard taking in the scene before her. She watched the swing gently swaying in the wind, the rustle of autumn leaves ready to fall, the peace and tranquility that surrounded her, if only for a while and she thought back to that fateful day 2 years ago when she had very nearly screwed things up, how things had seemingly fallen into place, and of that starry, starry night by the harbor when Jane had proposed...

* * *

_"One day...I hope. It'll be our place. And our children's place._

_To sit._

_Watch the world._

_That is if you'll have me." She turned to look at the honey blonde, changing position as she did so, one knee on the pavement, head craned up, palm out._

_Maura just stood there, shocked to the core. She'd been so sure that Jane had brought her here to break up with her that when she was hit with this most intimate gesture of love and commitment, she was left speechless, unable to move even. In that moment, time stood still for the ME; the stars and the moon collided; there was such a thing as God. She heard Jane's words, saw her move, watched her get down on one knee before holding out the most gorgeous ring she'd ever seen in her life in the hand it had been tightly encased in. Her hand shot up to her mouth as her love uttered her next words._

_"I guess what I'm trying to say is..._

_...Maura Isles, will you marry me?"_

_Maura knew her answer before Jane even managed to ask the question._

_"Yes, Jane. Yes." And with those words, all the anxiety and nerves Jane had felt in the lead up to that moment disappeared as she reverently slipped the ring on to her love's finger. Maura placed her hands on Jane's shoulders, tugging her up before bringing her down, hand snaking round her neck to kiss her, tongues battling for dominance. Breaking from their position, Maura burrowed herself in to the comfort of Jane's arms. The world around them had been forgotten. Right then, right there, it was just the two of them. She turned a little in Jane's arms to admire the ring that now adorned her finger._

_"It's beautiful," she whispered._

_"It kinda has to be...you know..." she said, looking down to where she was scuffing the heel of her boot, "to match the person whose finger it sits." Maura felt her heart literally melt as the sweetness of her fiance's words even though physically, it wasn't at all possible. _

_Her fiance._

_God, it felt amazing to call her that. _

_She looked at the simple thin white gold band that held a series of diamonds from one half to the other, noting how perfectly it fit too._

_"It fits too." She smiled happily, grinning up at Jane who returned it full force. _

_"I should hope so. I've had it for the last eight months" she joked. She could literally see the clockworks turning in the Doctor's mind, counting back the months, working it out. Her breath hitched as realisation dawned, and she connected the dots to back when the Australian had returned._

_"You were going to propose that night," she whispered. Jane fidgeted, unsure of what to say. She decided to go with the truth._

_"Yes..."_

_"And then I went and ruined it..."_

_"I didn't say it to bring up...anything..." She tried to catch the ME's eye but the woman was too busy looking at the ring on her finger, grappling with overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret, happiness and love, relief and joy._

_All this time..._

_Finally she looked up. "All this time...we could have been married by now, on our honeymoon...You would have been my wife and I yours. Living our life together, planning our family. We lost so much...I..." Tears were rolling down the ME's face, fast and furious. She was starting to hyperventilate as she realised how close she'd come to simply losing everything, losing the part of her life that had been so perfect. Jane took the smaller woman's face in her hands, her thumbs brushing the tears away._

_"Hey. Come on now," she said softly, knowing Maura was beating herself up about it all. "If things hadn't happened the way they had, the two of us, our relationship, wouldn't be as strong as it is now. You'd still be forever wondering what if, even though I know you don't actually like those sort of situations, and you'd still be holding back a piece of yourself because of it; you wouldn't feel as whole as you do now and I'd still always be waiting for that other shoe to drop...thinking I don't deserve you, knowing who did. But it isn't like that. Not anymore. Besides," she said, shrugging non-committally, "it's not like that ring would have fit on anyone else's finger."_

_Hearing her love'__s sweet words made Maura's eyes fill with even more tears. She never knew she had it in her to cry so much, let alone so hard._

_"Awww, Maur. Don't cry. You know I can't stand it when you do." She cupped her love's face with a gentleness that belied the battle wounds evident, brushing away her tears with her thumbs. Maura reached up holding tight to the the hands that covered her face. She shook her head. _

_"These are happy tears," she said._

_They'd gotten married two months later under a gazebo in their own backyard, surrounded by a few close family and friends. _

_It had been perfect._

* * *

She was brought out of her reverie by long arms encircling her waist, soft lips pressed to the back of her neck and she smiled serenely, leaning back into her wife.

"Hey. You ok?"

"Yes."

"How are my girls doing?" she asked, caressing the small swell of the ME's tummy.

Maura placed her hands over Jane's, gently running her thumbs over the top of Jane's scars. "Perfect," she said pressing herself further back into the Detective, eager for the contact, and warmth and comfort she provided. The decision to try for a family had been fairly new and as with all aspects of their life, it had been suggested by Maura who had wanted to add to the ever-growing family of the Rizzoli brood now that Frankie had, in the words of her mother-in-law, "_finally_ gotten married".

Surprisingly enough, her wife had not brought up any objections except for the fact that she didn't want to be pregnant but instead wanted to enjoy the nine months simply seeing Maura pregnant - she wanted to witness the soft glow to surround her wife, the little kicks their child would give them, the widening of Maura's eyes when she felt that first flutter, the loving smile she'd give as she rubbed her tummy to settle their child down, the hands through her hair as Jane spoke to him or her; _she'd make an amazing mother_, Jane thought. Loving, compassionate, thoughtful but at the same time firm when the situation called for it. As soon as Angela had found out, she'd been ecstatic at the thought of having another grand baby, a thought to which Jane had only rolled her eyes and then rolled them some more after her mother then decided to point out that Maura would end up having two children on her hands; one being Jane and the other their child. So, eight months after they said their vows to each other, they began going for the treatments, they chose a donor - one that had characteristics similar to Jane but for six months nothing had worked. Then Frankie had one day pulled his sister aside saying that he'd be willing to 'help out' by donating his sperm. Of course, he'd been quick to emphasis that he would never see the child as being his own.

They'd discussed it.

While Jane had been somewhat reluctant in part because she wanted yet another blonde haired, hazel eyed child who'd have her wrapped around her finger, Maura couldn't think of anything better than having a child that was both a Rizzoli and an Isles combined. It was the perfect combination. And eventually, as with everything else Maura wanted, Jane had agreed; on the condition that their next child would be biologically Maura's, to which she had acquiesced. So once again, they started treatments and the first time had worked a charm; it was as if it had been meant to be; a child that was linked to both of them biologically. As soon as they found out that they'd been successful, they'd both been bubbling with excitement and happiness and now, here they were, with Maura just having passed her first trimester.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking," came the simple response. They stood for a few minutes in silence just enjoying the others' company before Jane's curiosity got the better of her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'd have thought my thoughts were worth more than a penny," the honey blonde quipped. Jane grinned. Maura's sense of humor had most definitely improved over the years.

Voice raspy and low, she nodded, agreeing with Maura. "Priceless," she said. The sultry, husky undertone sent shivers down Maura's spine.

"As are you," she replied. She turned in Jane's arms, placing her head on her chest while her Detective rubbed soothing circles across her lower back.

3,2,1...

"So?" Maura grinned to herself knowing her Detective's naturally inquisitive nature would not give up.

"I was just thinking of the night you proposed, and how perfect it's been since," she said, raising her head from her favorite position over the beating of Jane's heart to look up at her wife of one and a half years.

Jane raised a questioning brow. "Does that include all the fights we have too?"

"Of course," she said, placing her hands atop of Jane's shoulders. "And the amazing make-up sex we have after it as well."

"Hmmm..." came the rumble of agreement. "Only amazing huh?" for which she received a light slap.

"Jane Rizzoli! Do you not think our make-up sex is amazing?"

Her question received a short bark of laughter from the brunette. "Oh I do. I also think the sex we normally have is pretty amazing too," she said.

"Then what's the problem?" she asked.

"I was just wondering what word tops amazing," she replied, lightly nipping Maura's earlobe. Momentarily thrown by the sensations coursing through her, the ME struggled to regain some semblance of thought. She tilted her head slightly to give Jane more access.

"Mind-blowing," she gasped.

The honey blonde squealed as Jane bent down and carried her bridal style through their backdoor, lustful dark orbs focused on her wife. She wound her arms round Jane's neck, laughing lightly as she said, "Well, now, let's see if we can't work towards that then, shall we?" before shutting the door and the rest of the world out.

**-The End-**

* * *

**And finito! It's finally finished. Sorry it took so long but I hope it went ok. I am working on three others so I will be busy getting those right before any of them go up. In the meantime, check out my first fic and let me know what you think, what improvements can be made etc.**

**Thanks for reading!**


End file.
